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Why We Fall in Love First with The Wrong One

“I was your cure, and you were my disease. I was saving you, but you were killing me.” -unknown
 I was 16 when I first fell in love. Let’s call him John (not his real name) and for me he’s my one great love. For a time, he was my everything. His world was my world. I was a slave of the thought that if I do things for him, I am doing it for my betterment. In fact, I studied very well because I want to prove to my family that John was not a distraction, rather an inspiration for me to excel.
Many things happened during my college days and when I finally graduated, I got a taste of freedom. I felt entitled for some autonomy, like a bird extending her wings ready to fly. I had to take the board exam then, so I reviewed extensively with the hopes of passing the licensure as my ticket to employment, self-actualization, and of course a warrant to be in a relationship with John. How I wanted to tell the world that he’s my boyfriend and I loved him.

What I thought was a perfect relationship and a perfect plan turned out to be flawed. The world I created with John was no more paradise. He cheated on me for another woman and I was left with no choice but to give way because there was a baby involved. For a time, I fought for him. I forgave him. Looking back, I wonder if I really loved him or I was just too consumed with the hopes of having my first love as my last.

Why do we have to fall in love with the wrong one before meeting our genuine and mature love? Why do we have a TOTGA (The One That Got Away)? Why can’t we just meet the one we will end up with forever?

Oftentimes, we hurry up on things. I didn’t like John at first. For me he was too dark and too tall. He’s my cousin’s best friend and I find him old, although he’s just 3 years my senior. I was rooting for another guy, then. But unfortunately, that guy didn’t even notice me, so I settled for John who was starting to make his move. I got thrilled with the idea of having someone who’d appreciate you and would see your worth as a person. I was a hopeless romantic. I was looking for someone who will make me feel loved. I did fall in love. We started building our dreams together. I really thought I would end up with him. Until that one fateful night when he told me he got someone impregnated. I was so stunned and devastated. Imagine building a sand castle for hours and seeing the wave annihilate it. You want to save what’s left of it but deep down you know there’s nothing you can do to stop the rumbling wave. 

What can we learn from this?

In life and love, we must be wise. Yes, I put much effort building that sand castle, but I was not a wise builder. I made it too close from the shore when I knew that the wave would reach it. Being in a relationship isn’t everything. Maybe I fell for him because I just didn’t want to be alone, and I figured, well this is good enough. You should never settle for good enough, because you’ll certainly end up on missing out the right man for you because you’ll be too preoccupied trying to force something that’s never going to work, in the first place.

In every ending, there’s a corresponding beginning. I like beginnings because it gives you hope. Hope that broken things can be fixed. That broken things are still beautiful. You can get over a broken heart. Of course, it’s horrible at first, and you’re not sure if you’ll ever get over it. But you always do, and that alone can make you stronger, discerning, and more optimistic for the future. You will be a better person. You know what you don’t want from the experience. You think you know what you do and do not want, but sometimes it takes experiencing something to know for certain that it’s not for you. You learn from mistakes. You learn where you went wrong so you don’t make the same mistakes next time.

Get over the wrong one and be prepared for the right one. Have a new heart. A heart that is pure and ready to love again. Just a thought, if you can love the wrong one that much, imagine how much you can love the right one. 😊

xoxo,
Beverly




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