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How to Deal with Differences as Husband and Wife


“But love, I’ve come to understand, is more than three words mumbled before bedtime. Love is sustained by action, a pattern of devotion in the things we do for each other every day.” -Nicholas Sparks          

I was so pissed off with my husband this morning that I did not talk to him for a few hours. It all started with him waking me up to make coffee. It’s been my duty as a wife to make coffee in the morning every day and it’s fine. However, there are days when I just want to extend a few minutes sleeping especially that I usually sleep late at night because of my English class. Last night, I told him if he could do the morning preparation and he agreed. He even volunteered to do the cooking, he wanted to showcase his expertise in cooking fried rice. I was delighted, because it means I wouldn’t be waking up early to brew us coffee. But things didn’t go according to plan. He woke me up, asked for coffee, and played Mobile Legends on his smart phone. Maybe I woke up on the wrong side of the bed that all the differences that we have as husband and wife came flowing like waterfalls. Call me immature, but a woman dealing with some hormonal imbalanced is like an unpredictable weather.

I went downstairs to my home office and started reflecting of my behavior this morning. To my husband, it’s nothing. He doesn’t usually deal with this kind of stuff. But being the ‘emotional’ me, I can’t let it pass without making some drama. I am reminded that marriage is not an easy choice. Imagine living with someone not related to you by blood, whom you just met a few years, someone who never knew you existed until the two of you were introduced by a friend. The courtship allows you to get to know each other. Nevertheless, it’s different when you live under one roof. Don’t get me wrong, I love my husband. Loving someone doesn’t necessarily ignoring your differences. So, how to deal with such differences?

Acceptance

No two individuals are completely alike. Therefore, it is normal for spouses to have differences in many ways. The variances range from how one prefers his coffee to how the other resolves serious family matters. What you need to do is to accept it. In fact, differences can be beneficial. It will help the two of you grow more mature and understanding.

Ecclesiastes 4:9: “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lies down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?"

Expand your view and be realistic

Having someone your exact opposite is an opportunity to look at things on a different perspective. Appreciate the unarguable proof of differences. Your spouse’s view or opinion is not necessarily wrong just because it’s not the same as yours. Being married will make you realize that two can agree to disagree and remain cool about it.

Colossians 3:14: “And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity."

Be supportive

Your spouse is your number one support system. You should practice the principle of helping each other grow for the better. Be your spouse’s best friend. Be there for him or her all the time. Make him or her feel that one doesn’t have to face life alone. If you show support, it will develop confidence. Be your spouse’s cheer leader. Who else will do it, right?

Ephesians 5:25: “For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her."

Ephesians 5:25-33: “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, ..."

Everyday, I aim to be a better wife. I am not perfect, I have my flaws. But it’s my prayer to be a better wife. I believe that when I become a better wife, my husband will become a better husband as well.

“Behind every great husband, is an encouraging wife.” -Unveiled Wife

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