The Struggle of Motherhood

My daughter was having tantrums because I scolded her to stop playing with water. I found out that she did not sleep in the morning and in the afternoon (I had my online class downstairs, so she was left with the babysitter). She ate lots of chocolates too (she knows already how to open the fridge and we've got lots of chocolates as pasalubong from an Aunt)!

I've got no choice but to bring her to my teaching area to at peace her because she started to get unmanageable. A few minutes before my class I conditioned her to go upstairs and come with her Ate Michelle (our trusted babysitter). 

It's indeed not easy to be a mother. It's only easy when your child listens to you all the time. The struggle starts when she learns and thinks independently. Nonetheless, I wouldn't trade it for the world. My daughter is God's present I love so dearly.

Since we are talking already about my daughter’s misbehavior (or is it really misbehavior or a normal phase in her developing years?) I would like to explore more on the personality development of childhood. In my mind is the understanding that not all parents foster the growth and development of their children in the same manner. Why? Because parents come from different family background and in part because of cultural variations. One mom disciplines her child differently from others but that does not make her less or better of a mother. Yes, we can give our differentiated ideas on this, but I always believe that mommy-shaming is a big No-No. My child, my rules (this is in the context that the mother or parent will not intentionally hurt her offspring).

According to Maternal and Child Health Nursing, 5^th Edition by Adelle Pillitteri (I am a nurse and I have this book as one of my precious possessions and this helped me a lot in my formative years in the nursing school) a developmental task is a skill or a growth responsibility arising at a particular time in an individual’s life, the achievement of which will provide a foundation for the accomplishment of future tasks. It is mentioned in the book that the time of completion of the developmental task is not so much about the chronological age but rather when they have passed through one developmental stage. To explain it in a simpler term, a child is not a toddler just because she’s one year and one day old but she’s a toddler for she has passed through the developmental stage of infancy.

Let’s drill down to Erik Erikson’s Theory of Psychosocial Development.

Erikson’s Stages of Childhood

Developmental Task

Infant- forms a sense of TRUST vs MISTRUST

The child learns to love and be loved. I remember when I gave birth to Akisha, it was the most painful yet fulfilling experience in my life as a mother. When I first held her in my arms I knew then I was meant to be a mother. I thank and praise God for giving me the opportunity to birth a beautiful human being. What do we need to do in this stage? We have to provide primary care. We must provide experiences that add to security, such as a soft sound and touch. Provide visual stimulation for active child involvement. When the needs of the infant are addressed, she will develop a sense of security. She will view the world as a safe place to live. However, when the care isn’t consistent, inadequate, or rejecting, it makes the infant suspicious of the world and the people around.

Toddler- forms a sense of AUTONOMY vs SHAME

The child learns to be independent and make decisions for self (This is it! My Akisha is starting to show her ability to be self-governing and sometimes it tests my patience.). What do we need to do in this stage? We provide opportunities for making decisions, such as offering choices of clothes to wear or toys to play with. We have to praise for ability to make decisions rather than judging correctness of one’s decision. This is I think a difficult stage for the mother/parents/caregiver because we have the tendency to impose our own choices. Setting rules is okay as disciplining on this stage is a must. As I mentioned a while back, we have different ways of disciplining our children and I will not judge you for the way you handle your child. However, put it mind that what you inculcate in your child will be a part of her even when she becomes an adult.

Preschooler- forms a sense of INITIATIVE vs GUILT

The child learns how to do things and that doing things is desirable. At this stage, a child knows basic problem solving. What do we need to do in this stage? We have to provide opportunities for exploration. Allow her to discover new places or activities. Allow play to include activities involving motor skills. Less gadget please. Let’s let our child go outside and play on the ground and see how beautiful the world is outside the four corners of our house. I know that the world we live today is not as safe as it used to be in the past but there’s still hope. That’s why we are here to make this world a better place to live in.

School-age child- forms a sense of INDUSTRY vs INFERIORITY

The child learns how to do things well. Then you will find yourself saying how fast your baby is growing. This is the time we become emotional over seeing our children grow fast. That we wished we held them longer when they’re still young and dependent to us. Brace yourself, Nanays. What do we need to do in this stage? Provide opportunities such as allowing child to assemble and complete a short project so that child feels rewarded for accomplishment.

Adolescent- forms a sense of IDENTITY vs ROLE CONFUSION

Adolescents learn who they are as a person and what kind of person they will be by adjusting to a new body image. They seek emancipation or freedom from parents (Oh no! This really it is! That’s why we must treasure each moment we have with our children, mga Nanay.), choosing a vocation, and determining a value system. What do we need to do in this stage? Provide opportunities for adolescent to discuss feelings about events important to him or her. We must offer support and praise for decision making.

Motherhood is surely a different kind of journey. Our children will not be babies forever but we will be parents for a lifetime. So let's brace ourselves and enjoy the ride.